In the article “Trauma healing, giving up control in a controlled way” I wrote about resources during a trauma healing session. In this article I will elaborate on this, because it is invaluable to be able to recognize and use resources for yourself, and not only when you are traumatized.
Make it yourself easier
In our daily lives we are easily guided by stress and pressure from our environment and from ourselves. Whether we are traumatized or experiencing too much stress (due to private circumstances or work pressure), it is nice to know your own resources. You create moments where you catch your breath, feel more balanced, and experience more space. A resource is something that makes you feel more calm inside, in the here and now. A resource is nourishing and connecting.
So it is a win-win situation to be (more) aware of your resources. From a stuffy feeling due to for example an increased feeling of stress, so to speak you are reaching out for air, to a space where you can breathe easier again. We are often in a hurry in our lives, it is part of our society. A resource can help you to hold your own easier.
Your loss in traumatic situations
Resources are fantastic tools to steer yourself from stress to inner peace. Stress and trauma are strongly related: due to an increased stress situation, the activating part of your nervous system starts to get going. If this is not reversed in time by the soothing part of your nervous system, a trauma can occur.
When you have gained a traumatic experience, you may be less connected to yourself and your environment. You can reverse this by using a resource. However, if you have landed too deeply in the traumatic experience (again), for example you feel frozen, then you need help. How do you know this? Because you no longer have room to regulate yourself, you feel trapped in yourself.
Are you aware of the space that you still have, that you realize that you can make choices? That you can use one of your resources? Or do you experience no space anymore, do you miss vital energy of life, do you notice that you are more absent. What you would like to have most, seems to be out of reach. It may even be the case that you lose your work, or your relationship, the contact with your family, with friends, with colleagues. Or that you have to avoid certain environments.
In my life, for example, I endured a period in which I found it extremely difficult to sit or lie down without “having my back” (for example at a beach). I couldn’t just be among other people. I couldn’t tolerate other people walking past me, where I couldn’t see them. I became very restless, could not relax. This has changed. Completely. These days I can even fall asleep amidst others.
The quality of space therefore has grown enormously for me! The space that I could give myself, the quality that I could find in it. The space that I could create myself, by knowing my resources.
Your resources
You have sources that come from within yourself, that have to do with your own qualities. For example your own perseverance, flexibility, trust, intelligence or creativity. And in addition, your own observations of your feelings, your body awareness, your sense of value and spirituality.
In addition, you can also find them outside yourself: talking to your father or mother, brother or sister, a friend or someone else in your network. Your dog or cat or another pet can also create a calming effect. But also practicing a sport, yoga, meditation, or a walk in nature. Every leisure activity that makes you feel calmer inside.
And by the way, smoking a cigarette can also be part of calming down; apart from the normally unhealthy effect, this can have a calming effect for many people. It is about regulating your nervous system. Other examples: reading a book or magazine, lie on the couch for a while, watch your favorite TV series, buying clothes or shoes, taking a 5-minute longer break, listening to your favorite music, taking a hot bath.
Resources can therefore be very diverse, and definitely differ from person to person. For me personally a walk in nature is a fantastic resource, with lots of green and water (for example a river or a lake). But also a day of sailing will do me good.
The beach walk last weekend
A reminder from a previous experience can also help you! By evoking this memory, your body gets sensations from then, but then in the here and now. And by observing that, you become more calm inside. For example, a positive memory of the beach walk from last weekend gives you a pleasant feeling of peace and space. Such a reminder can also be from a month ago (or several months).
Resources can also be found on the spot: let yourself orientate in the room where you are, at home in the living room, your bedroom, outside in the garden, or in the office or wherever you work. Or where you are for a visit, and during a flight for your work or holiday. You look around, in fact you follow your eyes, and where your eyes are drawn to and where you start to feel calmer inside, then you have found a local resource.
Resources therefore come in different flavors. A few years ago, during one of the trauma healing training, power animals and archetypes were mentioned as a resource. You probably know an animal that appeals to you the most. Also someone who has been particular or special to you, or has been the most important person in your life, can help you.